Jasper's Nest
"My abilities, huh? Well, let's see...I'm really good at Tetris, I'm a master at rock-paper-scissors and I once won a pie eating competition in Mississippi."
Vitals
- Name: Jasper Crowley
- Pronouns: he/him
- Species: Bird-footed menace (part bearded vulture)
- Likes: silly straws, rooftop naps, mountain dew, cartoons, pranks, and classic literature
- Dislikes: being told what to do, boredom, Australia
Fun Facts!
Jasper cried the first time he watched the lego batman movie
Both of Jasper's ears have been peirced since he was a baby
Jasper is immune to most diseases
He can mimic bird calls with concerning accuracy. No one knows how he learned this.
Jasper was raised by his adoptive human mother, Ellen Crowley
Jasper can’t whistle properly. He insists it’s a “conscious artistic choice.”
Nestmate Profile
Jasper shares his space—and sometimes his leftovers—with Adina, a dove hybrid whose calm presence has proven surprisingly difficult to chase off.
- Does not eat meat. Still accepts gifted jerky with grace. Jasper is working on remembering.
- Responsible for 80% of the herbal tea collection and 100% of the window lavender.
- Known to gently preen Jasper’s feathers when he’s anxious. He pretends not to care. This is untrue.
- How they met: The story is different everytime you ask. It’s fine.
Adina does not raise her voice. Somehow, Jasper still listens.
Things Jasper Has Successfully Eaten Without Getting Sick
Documented by bystanders, nestmates, and the occasional horrified waiter. All items verified post-consumption.
- A Nutella and pesto sandwich (regret started at bite three; triumph ended at bite seven)
- Two-month-old bone broth from an unlabeled thermos labeled “DO NOT.”
- An entire wedge of bleu cheese he mistook for fancy soap.
- Glitter cake from a party he wasn’t invited to.
- A decorative candle (only once; it was labeled “cinnamon” and he was very tired)
- His friend Fern’s “experimental dumplings” which screamed when boiled.
- Coffee grounds straight from the bag during an emotionally intense morning.
- Bone marrow cookies (homemade, deeply crunchy, questionable legality)
- A tiny crab that gave him the claw before being consumed. Instant karmic satisfaction.
- Lavender-scented jerky, a gift from Adina he misunderstood. She didn’t correct him.
"It’s called gastrointestinal resilience. Or poor judgment. Potato potahto." – Jasper, probably
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